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single parent dating
It s the opposite of dating horror stories. While I want to recount dates like this to each of my friends and family, they don t want to hear it. But I want to tell about it, if you re interested.
James Dean + a satyr + a Greek god = Adonis
This dream date story involves Adonis (at least that s what I ll call him). Adonis is a motorcycle-riding, vintage-car restoring pilot. He s an artist, poet and musician with a confident swagger, broad shoulders, and green-blue-brown eyes.
He’s not looking for anything committed or serious. When we are not together, we don’t talk or text much (I have my friends for that!) and there are no promises. Just the present moment, which is, for me and for now, perfect.
It was to be our second date. The afternoon of the planned date, he texted to say that he really felt like flying in his meticulously restored vintage plane, and would I like to join? Terrifying, but come on! Who says no to an offer like that? Plus, he’d been a legitimate pilot for twenty years. I trusted he’d keep us alive, and if we did crash and die, at least I’d be having an amazing time with a hot guy in the process. There are worse ways to go.
Getting ready for a good date is approximately 55% of the fun.
I called just before we were to meet, to ask if there were any clothing requirements for flying. He said no, and I decided on something timeless, and not too restrictive, that I hoped would match the old Cessna: dark, flared, high-waisted jeans, a bright colored sleeveless top with a cute peter pan collar, and strappy red sandals. He asked me to hold off for a few more minutes because he was busy preening. Even if someone beautiful wasn t about to come over I d [want to look good]. . . he joked.
Maybe overly smooth, but Adonis has got game, I’ll give him that.
His apartment is an old victorian place full of patina. His artwork, books, musical instruments, and antique furniture filled the high-ceilinged rooms. We chatted about the possibility of our death by airplane crash over sparkling water. Driving to the small airport, we conversed about passionate living and friendship. He quoted Kerouac. It was truly an inspired exchange. I LOVE a good conversation. If that conversation had been the whole date, it would have been a dream in itself! But that wasn t the end at all. . . .
The airport was bathed in dusk. First, he performed what appeared to be a quite serious safety inspection of the very sexy airplane he d restored to mint condition over a decade with his dad and best friends. As he nerded out over the aged Cessna, I could sense his relationship with it. I was touched that he d share this part of his life with me. He took some time to give me a tour and explain the science behind how tough it would be to crash the thing.
We rolled her out to the open field beside the runway. He snapped about a hundred pictures of me on my phone with the airplane against an orange-pink sky. I basked in the attention. I now have the souvenirs of this experience, great photos that he later that evening, spent some time cropping and filtering to just how he liked them. His favorite, he edited for your grandchildren he said. (I d show the pics to you, but then I d have to kill you :-))
We took off and he showed off his skills for a while. Then I flew the plane! As I observed him in his element, I felt enchanted. He decided he wanted to try landing on grass, and warned that it could feel bumpy but would be fine. As it turned out, the landing was one of the most graceful things I ve experienced. I hopped out, full of adrenaline and blissed out and started dancing.
It continued to unfold. . .
Back at his apartment, there was just enough red wine and good lighting. We sang folk songs. He played guitar; he sang songs I didn t know, too, with gusto. At a few points, he d thrust a harmonica or a violin at me to solo (both of which I happened to used to love to play a million years ago but suck at now.) We danced together and he lifted me in the air, spinning me around. We went outside and played in the pouring rain like toddlers. We ordered food in. We had incredible conversations about philosophy, work, jealousy, and more. He serenaded me in candlelight, a song he d written on his guitar.
By the time the date ended, I was pretty convinced that I am a captivating princess witch who can fly, and who should expect nothing less than this level of sensuality and romance. I am basically ruined for average dates now.
Up your game, dudes!!
I love the way, during this single phase in my life, I am collecting so many experiences and memories as I date different men.
If you got this far without barfing, thank you. And tell me your dream date story!
Redefining Family Vacations
by Molly Undercover on June 28, 2017
I m going to need to be complainey here just for a minute, ok? I promise, I ll get it out of my system so we can get back to interesting and fun things tomorrow. But today, I had that cry in the car kind of day, and each of my friends and siblings have done their patient duty of listening to me prattle this already month, and now it s your turn, dear readers.
Lately I feel like I ve slid back months in the process of letting go of my marriage.
Today, it s the process of planning vacations that sets me off (I know, I m pretty lucky if this is the type of thing that gets me upset).
I m planning summer trips and adventures. Tim has his two middle-school aged cousins in town this week, and life is good. They are so cute together, cracking each other up all day, developing inside jokes and having fun. It s early summer and we have tons of plans with family for the Fourth of July. I also have weeks of vacation saved up at work, and only need to make a plan in order to be on the road somewhere. I m in a great situation.
But for some reason, I am having a terrible time committing to any particular plan for weekend trips or longer vacations. Even for this weekend with the cousins here. On the surface, it s just indecision, but if I sit with my feelings a little bit I realize I m feeling alone. This is the kind of stuff I used to get heavy input from Tim s dad on. My decision-making skills are weakened from years of letting my spouse take the lead. I m not proud of it, but it s true.
In addition, I worry that every plan I come up with will be inadequate. To me, vacation = family time. And up until recently, family was always the three of us; Tim, his dad, and me. At a time like this, I would have enjoyed sharing the fun of seeing the cousins together with Tim s Dad. On vacation with just Tim and I, I m afraid I m not enough; not interesting enough, not good enough at planning. And I can never make our family go back to what it used to be for Tim, and what if a vacation with me as the only adult is just no fun?
None of these negative feelings change the situation that brought me here though. Vacations with Tim s dad didn t make up for a marriage that didn t work. Yes, vacations were happy experiences, but I tried to use to make up for weeks and months of isolation and lack of support in my relationship.
It s a good thing that I m no longer sitting passively by and letting some man make decisions for me all the time, and feeling unhappy. It s a good thing that I have a choice over how I spend my time, and that I am lucky enough to have vacation time and good friends and family to plan things with. It s not light. It s not fun, but it is what it is.
Today at work I went out for a walk. We have a little nature trail you can take that leads to a coffee shop. I walked with stress about whether I could give Tim enough fun this summer running through my mind. Then, I just started to feel like it was all pointless. What s the point of having fun if families can break up, people get old and die, and everything can go to hell? Some dark shit was running through my mind.
Then I noticed. Some kind of fluffy wildflowers along the path were sending seed puffs waving in the wind and flying up into the sun. The weather was just about exactly 80 degrees, with light streaks of clouds and no humidity. The breeze blew across my face. I got lost in the moment. The words came to my mind, All we have is Presence, meaning, the only thing that matters is right now. Suddenly the pressure to create the perfect experiences when Tim and I are together lightened, and I realized that the elegance of every little moment matters so much more.
Especially with how quick he is growing up! My experience on this walk made me want to just hang out with Tim, just let go of any idea that I need to be ultra-fun. I like this super-zen, wise version of me. Maybe this is how I single mom, at my best? Still, I gotta plan a vacation. There s so many places I want to go, both as a free single lady and with Tim. I d love to take him on a bunch of weekend trips and a road trip out west. I would love to read comments have you had any good single mama adventures with your kids?